I need to apologize for letting this site go dark for so long; what I had intended was to take off a few weeks leading up to Christmas so I could focus on healing from the car accident we were in back in October. What I didn’t count on was not healing…
So here I am in March much where I was back in December. I’m still exhausted, still bruised, and still in much more pain than I should be.
And I realized something: I’ve just been waiting.
Waiting to get better, waiting to go back to “normal”, and waiting to pick up my old life right where I left off.
And I’m really tired of waiting.
I don’t actually think this kind of waiting around is good for our souls. I’m not talking about the kind of patient waiting for the time to be right or the waiting because wisdom says so because God’s plan requires it. I’m talking about the forward focused, why-can’t-I-have-it-now, this-is-all-I-want kind of waiting. The waiting-because-I-don’t-have-any-other-choice waiting, that precludes doing much else.
This kind of waiting robs us of our today because all we can see is the rosy future. Think of how much would have been lost had Paul just sat around waiting to get out of prison, waiting to be able to spread the gospel. Clearly Paul would have loved not to be in prison, but from a jail cell he wrote a good number of the epistles, extolling God so that the early church could know Him better and consequently us today. How many of his jailors heard about Christ through Paul’s imprisonments? In Philippians 1:13 it says that “the cause of Christ has become well known throughout the whole praetorian guard and to everyone else.” Paul certainly wasn’t sitting there in silence…
The truth is that we don’t need ideal circumstances. As much as we’d like to be understood, or apologized to, be healthy, have financial resources, freedom, or space to do what we want, we don’t actually need it.
It took me a really long time to understand this. I had a bunch of plans that I was waiting on because I didn’t have the resources to make them happen; namely, I really really wanted to adopt, but adoption is really really expensive. I found out through a friend that the state covers nearly all adoption expenses when you adopt out of foster care because it is so important to get these kids into homes. The caveat though is that the kids are usually older and infant adoption isn’t really possible. In order to do this though you first become licensed as a foster parent. So we started thinking about fostering, but put it on the back burner.
There were a lot of reasons that it didn’t make sense to foster. We already had three small boys, we have a three bedroom home, and I deal with fibromyalgia so I get a little extra tired. I was still in my twenties so I figured we had plenty of time to do that “some day.”
Except that everywhere I turned I felt like I couldn’t get away from it and I was starting to risk disobedience by delaying any longer. I mean, it was actually possible… just not terribly convenient or ideal… whatever “ideal” is anyway.
When we do things that are easy and entirely out of our own power, it is easy to take the credit for it. When the challenges are inherent, we find ourselves relying on God’s strength and seeing Him working in it all. He’s there no matter how hard or easy something is, but it is simply easier to see Him and, I think, better for our souls when it is harder.
I don’t mean more difficult for the sake of difficultness. Really more the antithesis of easy for the sake of easy…
In my small group Bible study a few months ago, we usually have a funny icebreaker type question and that night’s was what we would do if we won the lottery.
It was easy to say that we’d start charities or give a bunch of the money away, but the reality is that I think most of us seemed to think these were pipe dreams. One guy whom I really respect said, as a challenge, that if we care about something enough, we’d find a way to do it without the money. I was challenged.
Most people who start giving or living in a radical and amazing way don’t do that because they have been blessed with the resources to do it; our life now if more indicative of the life we’d have then if we were blessed with more.
It just means starting small. When it’s not ideal. When it’s tough.
It means not waiting.
It is the faithfulness in the small things that leads us to be able to be faithful in the big things. I have so many more dreams for what I’d like to be able to do in the foster system to make a difference. I really want to finish my book. There is a charity that I’d like to start.
So I’m back writing again, even though I’m not better. I know all my dreams can’t come to fruition right now, but my goal is simply to do what I can, right now, even though it is hard. It may not be a book, but it is a at least one post.
In the meantime, I’d really appreciate prayers since my immune system isn’t working and I’ve been running a fever for the past week off and on. My hand is still not yet better and so it hurts to type. I’m really ready for this all to be over. Brian and my kids are too.
But I can’t wait anymore. We need to live like we should, like we dream, if it is just a little bit more each day. We only get one shot at this, you know.
What are you waiting for?
Don’t forget to pin it!
Uncommon Grace 
You are such an inspiration, how you take care of the kids entrusted to you, still having faith in God even through the horrible pain.
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You are such a wonderful friend, Brandi! I’m always blessed by your encouraging words and you are inspiring yourself, you know! I know how much pain you deal with too and you still reach out to others all the time to encourage 🙂 Thanks again!
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What a beautiful read and seriously just what my soul needed. I’ve been in a season of waiting myself — waiting for things to change, for other people’s hearts to change (and mine so much more), waiting for a hard circumstance to change. But the Lord’s been speaking this week and I’m starting to see that I shouldn’t be bound by a situation but rather seek to do God’s will and to do good, no matter how hard. And I think, this might just be the hardest thing to do but you so right. It all starts with taking small steps. Thank you so much for sharing this!
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Thank you so much, Ronja! I love how you say “bound by a situation”- such a good way to describe what it feels like when we’re waiting on something. You are so right that it begins with small steps! Keeping you in my prayers as you start to take those!
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Your post…there was just so much that resonated with me. So much. I recently spoke at a ladies retreat – my first time speaking at an entire retreat with my story of childhood trauma. God has done such a huge healing work in my life…but the wound is still there. Stepping out and working towards the calling, like you mentioned in your post, was so important for continued healing. The town where my first retreat was held??? The very same place where my trauma began. How redemptive is that? But, as you alluded to, if I had simply waited for more healing, I would never have experienced this measure of healing.
Many times, God plants dreams within our hearts and we get this picture of what we think it should look like. But sometimes that seed is just a flower in the midst of an entire garden.
I am praying for you. I’m going to follow you so I can see how God is working in your life right now. And I’m including this post on my blog round-up on Friday.
Thank you so much for making yourself vulnerable.
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Aimee, thank you so much! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your prayers and your encouragement 🙂 As hard as things have been, God has been so very good. And wow- your story is incredibly moving. I’m so glad that you were able to heal more from being able to speak in the same town. That is such an amazing God thing and I am sure that it had a tremendous impact on those you were speaking to as well. And thank you too for including me in your blog round up! I’m so excited! I’m looking forward to connected more with you; I have some really fun stuff that I’ll be able to share more about soon when it is “mine” about what God has been doing in our lives 🙂 Thanks again, Aimee and so glad we could connect!
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Beautiful and important words. I personally have been struggling with this very similar challenge. God has been good though and has continued to hold me and guide me in the midst of the struggle. The struggle is real. Thank you for your inspiration.
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Oh friend, what a challenge. And in it is a real test of faith. I am waiting for it to seem possible. I’ll do it when I know that I can do it. But that is not dying to self. And that is not a through-Christ attitude; it is a for-Christ attitude. When I believe that He is enough, then I can say yes to now, because I have it all in Him.
Thanks for this post, dear girl. Lots to think and pray on for tomorrow.
xoxo
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I think there’s nothing wrong with waiting for the right time but waiting does not necessarily mean sitting around doing nothing. Like literally waiting. We could work while we wait. Be productive while waiting. Work on other things, explore, learn. Every minute counts. And before you know it (if you’re not careful), you procrastinate.
These are great points you’ve highlighted here. We must always remember this. 🙂
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Hello! Your post is very inspirational and special to me. I hope you start to feel better soon. Take care!
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lovely and inspirational post. Thank you for sharing at the Thursday Favorite Things blog hop. God Blessxo
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I love this. You’re right, we don’t need the “ideal” to take action… and quite frankly if we wait for “the right time” we may miss opportunity altogether. God wants us to trust in Him. He’ll take care of the less than “ideal” circumstances so that we can accomplish the purpose he has put before us.
Thanks for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).
Wishing you a lovely day.
xoxo
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Thanks, Jennifer! You are so right that if we wait for everything to be ideal, it is entirely possible to miss our chance at all. I have to remind myself constantly that God is big enough to handle all the problems that come along with the situation not being ideal. I’m so glad connect again; I’ve missed your wisdom 🙂
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Hi, Sara Lynne! Thanks for sharing this with us at Grace and Truth this week. Yes, I know the kind of waiting you speak of. I had a similar waiting-to-heal experience about a year and a half ago. It taught me so much about the Father once I settled in to the more expectant, I’m looking for You in this, type of waiting. 🙂 Love these lines in particular, “The truth is that we don’t need ideal circumstances. As much as we’d like to be understood, or apologized to, be healthy, have financial resources, freedom, or space to do what we want, we don’t actually need it.” Amen!
Jen @ Being Confident of This
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I’m so glad to connect with you, Jen! I’m so sorry that you’ve been through a similar situation- it can be so hard, but I’m so grateful for all that God has taught me through it like you said. It has been a huge reminder to me that we shouldn’t fear the hard times just because they are hard; we should fear not growing through them and missing what God had for us. Thanks so much for your encouragement!
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Amen to that! 🙂
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